Currently Reading The Brothers K By David James Duncan see related

...to an old friend...

Currently Listening The Outernational Sound By Thievery Corporation see related

...self titled entry...

ambiguity

/ˌæmbɪˈgyuɪti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation

...good night, sleep Tight, pleasant dreams, 77...

  "Leona…Lone…Loni…mother…sister…friend…

We all know her as something different…but for the past 32 years, I’ve known her simply as “grandma”.  We’ve always had a unique and precious relationship – grandma and I – as she learned and grew into being a grandmother for the 1^st time and I a granddaughter…sometimes I don’t know how else to explain it except that we just “got” each other.  Over the years, I have learned a lot from grandma and when I thought about what I wanted to share today, I realized that Grandma’s influence and presence in my life is irreplaceable and unique, like that of a fingerprint…so I decided to take a walk through Grandma’s home to share some of the fingerprints she left on my life.

The first thing we notice on our walk through grandma’s home is the bottom drawer of grandma’s dresser which growing up was always known as the “junk drawer”.  In it, one could find anything from old dresses, shoes, purses, beads and other fashion accessories to notepads, pencils, pens and random other treasures.  The grandkids spent many a countless hour perusing the contents of grandma’s junk drawer and amusing ourselves and her in the process.  Now as an adult, I realize that it was about more than just dressing up and pretending and being silly….Grandma was teaching me something even then – to dig deep into the drawer and look with the eyes of potential even when I got stuck with the ugliest dress or only one shoe to play with.  She taught me to use my imagination and to be creative.  She truly believed that everyone was good at something, that everyone had a purpose and place and that there was always a reason to dress up and celebrate.  Grandma – today I wear my best for you… and I imagine you, at your fullest and most beautiful potential standing at the gates of heaven.

Her camera rests beside her now but it could always be found dangling from her wrist or at least sitting on a nearby table just waiting for that perfect shot…which usually consisted of some headless subject with food in their mouth (just kidding grandma, well not really  Yes she was indeed always snapping pictures…and though we may have gotten frustrated at times, I have a new appreciation now for her addiction to that camera of hers.  I realize now that she was teaching me to make memories, capture graceful moments and document and tell the stories of our lives –she was so good at that, we all have scrapbooks and volumes of photographs to prove it.  She taught me to never let a moment pass without embracing it and preserving it in order to share it with others.  She taught me to see the things not visible with the naked eye but rather those subtleties that make life precious.  All around us are pictures – pictures of grandma and her life well lived – her visual history from a time past and our precious memories for now and a time to come.  Well I’ve caught the passion grandma and I can’t put my camera down either…I accept the challenge of trying to pick up where you left off…but I know I am merely a substitute for the queen of memory making in this family…I am recording this day in the memories of my heart and mind and will treasure the day you found peace and rest in the arms of Jesus.

On the end table near her bed, lays her worn Bible and a folded over copy of her Daily Bread devotional opened to November 8, 2006, and a small rubber banded stack of bible verses and inspirational quotes.  I remember our sleepovers at grandmas and how she would coach us through our prayers at night.  I probably didn’t appreciate this at the time whether because I was too young or because that was just who grandma was – she was a prayer warrior, a faithful reader and a loyal encourager.  Not a card was sent that didn’t contain her favorite verse from Philippians and usually another verse or quote.  She taught me to always make time and a special place for my God in my daily life and to faithfully encourage those around me.  I thank God for every remembrance of you indeed Grandma…and I know you will continue to encourage me and challenge me for years to come whenever I think of your love and faithfulness.

Grandma’s crystal candy dish on the hutch in the kitchen was always full – hershey kisses, mini musketeers, NIPS, you name it, they’re probably in there.  And that doesn’t even count the multiple boxes of peanut butter Tasty Cakes, lemon pies and jelly krumpets that could be found in her freezer.  Grandma loved her sweets.  Mike – the reason her purse weighed 20 lbs is from all the candy, cookies, cakes and pies she somehow managed to wrap up and shove in there for later     She believed in saving the best for last… and always ending on a sweet note…and well she did just that…it definitely doesn’t get any sweeter than heaven.

So here we are grandma at the end of our walk, 32 years later…and I’d say, we’ve done pretty well you and I…we have loved and been loved by each other well…it has been a privilege, an honor and a blessing to be your oldest grandchild and to have been there when you first became a grandma and to be here now as we give you back to God for awhile now until we all shall meet again…what a sweet sweet day that will be.

To my imaginative, memorable, faithful and sweet grandmother….who I will forever love…good night, sleep tight, pleasant dreams, 77…"  

Currently Listening Bavarian Fruit Bread By Hope Sandoval & The Warm Inventions see related

...jimmies vs. sprinkles...

the past few weeks have been intense...and lately, I have just wanted so badly to shed responsibility, obligation and practicality and return running with arms wide open to childhood where sometimes my biggest decisions were between rainbow sprinkles or chocolate jimmies (more on this debate later)...

so in this spirit of youthfulness, my co-workers and I decided we wanted ice cream cake so badly but somehow felt that we needed justification to go across the street to Edy's and buy a whole cake...so we decided that today was going to be someone's birthday...  so there we went, the 3 of us trapsing out in the rain determined to find the best tasting ice cream cake to cure our collective craving...and there she was - chocolate cake with chocolate non fat yogurt and white icing...delicious.  and to top it off, literally, I spotted the bins of jimmies and instantly felt that wave of excitement so familiar to me from my childhood - so full of anticipation about the yummie goodness that I was about to experience....so I shared my love of jimmies with my co-workers...and thus began the jimmies vs. sprinkles debate...they had never heard of jimmies!  and sprinkles to me were something totally and completely different... [ insert factual knowledge here:  so jimmies are a real deal - you can research yourself to validate - there was a candy company north of Philadelphia back in the 1930s who made these chocolate grains and the man who ran the machine who made them was called Jimmy - therefore they became known as jimmies.  so to my doubting co-workers...I'm not crazy afterall   well maybe a little but that's a different post...]so we grabbed our cake and the kind lady at the store gave me a side cup of jimmies to go and we made our way back to the office.  As we rode up the 7 floors to our department we discussed whose birthday it should be...and settled on unsuspecting Stacy who would be thrilled to pieces and would enjoy our spontaneous, silly afternoon activity...so we rallied a couple other people from the department and went down to her office with cake in hand and began singing happy birthday...she was confused and caught a bit off guard and it was precious   she had this questioning look on her face like "don't they know my birthday was weeks ago"?  and we just kept right on singing and playing it up...honestly a truly priceless moment.

but you know, the surface joy and delight only lasted a few moments and then me being me had to inevitably take it deeper and internalize exactly what was happening and the significance of it all...and I realized a few things that I will share by way of bullet points as they are still fresh and not fully masticated (kinda like the jimmies I am crunching on at the moment also...

* we don't take enough time/opportunities as adults to just be silly if even only for a few moments

* though this time just a silly debate about jimmies vs. sprinkles, how many other things are ingrained in us because of how/where we were raised that we are unwilling to budge on or hesitant to even entertain another perspective on?  When will we learn the distinction between a variation of something same or similar and actual difference?  and when will we truly embrace the fact that we need variations and differences and contrasts to make us more textured individuals living more interesting and multi-faceted lives?  how often do we miss an opportunity to know a person better by intentionally understanding their life experiences more?

* we don't celebrate each other for no particular reason or occasion enough - why do we wait for only birthdays and holidays?

* ice cream cake (WITH jimmies) is second only to swedish fish and gummy bears

* the people we spend 8+ hours a day with are sometimes more than just co-workers - they can be muses in their own way

so while the debate over jimmies vs. sprinkles will always exist (or at least I hope it does), I'd venture to say we would have a concensus that we all could use alot more days like today...  

Currently Listening Anchor By Trespassers William see related

"as a creative person and artist, not all of my creativity is for sale.  Some of it I will give away as a gift and some of it I will keep but not all of it is meant to be readily available, even for a price, to a mass market."

heard these words during a radio interview this morning on my way into work and they've stuck with me today...they present an interesting quest for balance -- one that resonates within me too.  So, I find myself asking:  How do I share what gifts and talents I might have without selling out and cheapening them in the process?  How do I encourage others in their gifts and talents without exploiting either of them?  How do I strive to make a living as an artist someday while not forcing and pigeon-holing creativity and expression?  How do I preserve the sometimes necessarily and intentionally specific purpose of creative expression while also maintaining a level of inclusivity?    

hhmmmm.....